Learning Self Love

1. What is the first place to start when it comes to self-love?

The first place to start is to notice what your current relationship is with it. When you hear “self-love”, what thoughts come to mind? Does it feel natural to love yourself, or is it something you have to work at? There’s no right or wrong answer, but the first step is to bring awareness to how you feel about it right now. One way to check your feelings about this is to ask yourself these questions:

• Do I feel worthy of the same love and attention I give to others?

• Do I honor my voice, desires, and needs as much as I honor others?

• Do I talk to myself with kindness and compassion?

The next step is to choose how you want to feel about self-love. The work lies in between getting from how you feel now, to how you want to feel.  

2.What is the easiest way to implement self-love?

The simplest, yet sometimes most challenging way to implement self-love is through how you talk to yourself. When you forget to do something for work, pick up your child late from school, or try on a new dress, what does the inner dialogue sound like? Does is sound something like, “How could I be so stupid!?” or “Ugh I look fat in this!”? If that rings a bell, then those moments are perfect opportunities for you to practice self-love.

One way to do this is to imagine your child, your best friend, or someone you love dearly coming to confide in you that they made a mistake or felt self-conscious. How would you react? Chances are you would show up with love, compassion, and understanding. Self-love is extending the same love and compassion we show towards others to ourselves.

The next time you catch your inner-dialogue spinning out of control with negativity and criticism, try this. Pause, take a deep breath, and imagine how you would talk to that person you love if they were you. This simple shift in your self-talk can dramatically change the way you feel towards yourself, and therefore how you treat yourself.

3.How to get over feeling selfish taking time from family for yourself

Think about how you interact with your family when you’re feeling your best, vs. when you’re at your wits end. Chances are, the interaction is filled with much more love, presence, and tenderness when your cup is full. The outdated belief that you are selfish for taking time for yourself has run its course, and it’s time to let it go! I challenge you to think about all the beliefs that make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself. Write them all down. Now next to each one, write down a belief that you want to choose instead. For example, “I’m selfish for taking time for myself” could turn into “I model self-love for my family by taking care of myself” or “I choose to fill my cup so I can show up my best for my family.” That hour you’ve booked to get a massage or come to get your hair done suddenly turns from a source of guilt to a healthy decision you made for your own well-being. You get to decide which beliefs you accept, and which to let go so you can live in alignment with your values.

Let us know in the comments how self-love shows up in your life, we are always looking for new ways to take care of ourselves.